Post-Veganism Revisited

I have to not not eat the cheesy pizza, which doesn't mean I have to, but I do anyway, because it's tasty. That's how Harry described my post-veganism last spring when I first started using the term. In my year of inhabiting this new dietary identity, I've been post-vegan in the sense that I am not vegan anymore, clearly illustrated by the half-eaten pint of Häagen-Dazs Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream sitting by my side as I write this. But I want the term to mean more than that. Rather than this being an era in my life after veganism, I want to move beyond veganism. To reject the rules, restrictions, and martyrdom that so often accompany the lifestyle. I want to deconstruct the very essence of what it means to be vegan, and to rebuild it in a way that actually works as a healthy and enjoyable way to live. What I want, is for my diet to be about what I do eat, not about what I don't.

I want to fill my body with delicious, healthy things that have been produced in an ethically sound, environmentally and socially sustainable way. Sadly, that isn't always possible, or, at least, isn't always practicable. No amount of rules and regulations, no matter how strictly adhered to, can produce a best solution. Life's more complicated than that. Sometimes the eggs from the hens who run free in my friend's yard, devouring kitchen scraps and fertilizing the garden, are a far more ethical and sustainable meal than the tofu, made from genetically modified soy grown on land that was once a rain forest, that has been shipped from a packaging plant in China. Yet that tofu will always be a better option than a McDonald's cheeseburger.

The point of my post-veganism, however, is to avoid getting lost in such ethical comparisons. The decision to always choose the most ethical option in any given situation, while more flexible than strict veganism, is a rule nonetheless. I want to eat falafel because I want to eat falafel, not because I can't eat anything else on the menu. Falafel's too good to be eaten by default. I want to eat what I want to eat and I want to want to eat things that are good for the earth, good for animals, good for me. I want to not eat the McDonald's cheeseburger not because 'I don't eat cheeseburgers', but because I want to eat something else. This means that there may come a time when I do eat the McDonald's cheeseburger. I ate one a couple weeks ago. I wanted to rebel against the last vestiges of the vegan moral code that I had internalized so long ago. I had a coke too. And for the first time in over a decade, I didn't feel guilty. It upsets me that such things as McDonald's cheeseburgers and Coca-cola exist in this world, but I'm glad that I can consume them now without feeling the sting of those whips I used to have in my mind. Letting go of the whips, I think, is a greater accomplishment than a year of veganism, than a life of veganism, because now every time I choose to eat a beetroot and cabbage salad, that decision is one made freely. I tried the stick, now it's time to choose the carrot.