Cowboy Wisdom

I took the bus to my parents' house this afternoon. After having a short conversation of pointing and smiles with the child sitting across from me about the coffee I was drinking, I gazed out the window watching images of the city speed past. I found myself saying good-bye, not sure if I would ever see that office building, that flower shop, that particular piece of graffiti ever again. I was flooded with memories, riding past a park in which I had sung an a cappella rendition of 'kiss the girl' with my friends the summer I turned nineteen, past the Alberta Choral Federation where I had held a part-time job during high school as the librarian of their sheet music library, holding my breath for old time's sake as we passed the large downtown graveyard. I said good-bye, knowing that I would not miss any of it.

Ever since I've begun to entertain the idea of moving back to Britain as a real and immediate possibility, I've been happier than I have been in a very long time. Happy to be here, at this point in my life, having so much to look forward to. My Mother commented on how I don't seem angry anymore. A friend told me that he's glad to finally see me excited about life. Another friend told me that he always knew, from the moment he met me, that I would go back.

A strange customer came into the bookshop last week. I'd say he was in his seventies, smelled of rich tobacco. He told me stories of his old man who was apparently a legendary cowboy. I zoned out for most of it, but one thing he said stuck with me: He said the most important thing his father ever told him was to always tell the truth, that way you didn't have to have a good memory, and you'd never be embarrassed. Almost more important than being honest with others, I think, is to be honest with yourself. I'm finding that life is much easier, much happier, much better, when I allow myself to follow my heart instead of the idea I have of what my heart should want. Irrationally following my heart is what got me to Scotland in the first place, how fitting that it should take me back.